Monday, March 30, 2009

There's that look again.

I'm starting to take notice that every picture of my son Anthony has that same look. Like, he's wants to say..."What in God's name is that ridiculous women taking a picture of AGAIN?!" "It's becoming really annoying at this point and if she doesn't get off that internet soon, I'm going to call the American Humane for Children and tell them that she needs to get with the program and WHIP OUT HER TIT ASAP!"

With that in mind, I thought I would make this post short and sweet.

Saturday, March 28, 2009


OKAY...I know I shouldn't be complaining about this, but I'm losing WAY too much weight! Is a women ever satisfied? The answer is NO! I was complaining when I was a little chubby and now I'm too skinny and everything in my closet is in between! So of course, I have NOT A THING TO WEAR. So, off to the shopping mall I go. Boo Hoo!

My secret behind shedding the pounds is breastfeeding an eight-month-old and running around after a toddler while holding my 17.9 lb. baby in my arms. And I must not forget to mention, my new athletic agility! Hopping over safety gated doorways while holding 2 kids! It's a damn surprise I still have some meat on my bones!

I'm amazed that I'm able to pull out the double-tandem-fucking-stroller out the back of my car without cracking in half! BRING ON THE ICE CREAM, DOUGHNUTS AND CHEESE PLEASE, BABY LOST HER BACK!

Friday, March 27, 2009

OKAY, I Get It!

Today is the first time that I truly feel far away from family, approximately 139.51 miles too-far-for-me away. I'm suffering from a severe sinus infection which I diagnosed myself since I wasn't able to make a doctors appointment, because I'm to busy bringing my 2 boys, whom are also sick, to their doctors appointments. My mucous is thick and green and I have severe pain all around my face. I literally feel like a 'Big Head'! It's actually been a month of on going sickness in this house. It's a never ending cycle! WILL IT EVER END? I wish I had my 'Mommy' close by to help me with chores around the house, mainly to cook and do laundry. I absolutely HATE laundry! Cooking is also a challenge for me right now since I have to come up with 2 completely different dishes. One for my husband and one for my picky toddler in which I try to cook something with some nutritional value and not just pop tarts, pancakes or cold cereal.

I really don't know how any mother does it. The first thing that comes to my mind is I wander how mothers who are missing limbs do it! That thought in itself makes me realize that I need to shut the fuck up and suck it up! But I need to vent for my sanity. Who else will listen to my moaning and groaning? My poor husband? He's already getting his share of it. I can't believe he hasn't cut me up into little bitty pieces, stick me in a garbage bag and send me off to China! I admit, I watch way to much Dateline.

In the end I thank God for my adorable, healthy babies, my limbs, and my father who took this great photograph of my 2 year old and sent it to me via email. It brings it all back into perspective. Why women want to become mothers and put up with all this shit! I can't ever imagine life without them!

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Jackie-O's

I thought of a great idea to whomever is interested. Let's organize a group called "The Jackie-O's"! Our group will consist of any female in between the ages of.... Oh screw the age, just be sure your old enough to consume alcoholic beverages. This doesn't mean you have to drink, it just means your of legal age to get into bars. If you can hang with the Jackie-O's, YOU'RE IN!

Here's the catch! You have to wear a wig! And I would like us to dress funky and sexy, not like a hoochie mama. Have a little class would you? Funky, as in bell bottoms or any other 60's-70's style clothing and sexy, as in whatever makes you feel like a million bucks. Don't forget the most important piece of accessory, your shoes. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their shoes. So keep that in mind.

These rules are not set in stone. As soon as we get a group started we can work out the details and agree on the dates and times. Now who's in? If you're interested, email me and let me know if it's a "blast from the past" or a "thing of the past" or if I've flown over the coo coos nest.

PS. This sounds like a lot of work! Forget the whole thing. Maybe when my toddlers aren't toddlers anymore and I'm not suffering from sleep deprivation, I'll bring it back to the surface.

desperately seeking a social life,
yours truly,

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it."

"It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it. "Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again." That part in "Finding Nemo" is hilarious! When Squirt, a baby sea turtle, is explaining to Marlin, Nemo's dad, how to jump out of the East Australian current. It reminds me of my 2 year old. He is a 'talking machine' right now and sometimes I can't understand him. And he is sounds SO cute! There are times when it just breaks my heart when he tries to tell me something that is so exciting to him, and he desperately wants to share it with me, but I think he thinks I'm to much of an idiot to understand him!

Just the other day we were visiting my sister in Pass Christian and my little boy heard something outside that he totally recognized. And he ran to me to share what he thought he heard. I don't think he knew for sure what it was, but he had a pretty good idea of what it could have been. This is what he said to me. "Mommy, Mommy!" "Au due papa whaa daa noyy!" "Au due duh whaa da noyy bmm!" It was as clear to me as the time when I consumed to many margarita's and was conversing with my husband about why the world is round and not square! I must have looked to him as though I was sent to Earth from a different planet and did not understand a lick of English! I was trying my very best to understand him. I had the most oblivious look on my face. I wanted to cry! At that moment, I had heard the sound he was speaking of. It was the sound of a train! (Choo! Choo!) Then he screamed with excitement! "Yes!" "Yes!" "I hear the train!" I remember feeling as though I had experienced something so exhilarating!

I have become my child's student. Paying close attention and listening to every vowel and every consonant he speaks. Trying to put them together to solve a riddle, and to my son a magnificent discovery.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Boyz II Men

How ironic! I use to listen to the group "Boyz II Men". And now I have 2 boys of my own to raise to become men. Well, here's the problem. As far as I and most women are aware of, boys never grow up.

I have plans for my boys and that is to raise them to become compassionate, respectful, sincere, trust-worthy, hard-working, health conscience, considerate, modest gentlemen,
who will think with his head and not with his YOU KNOW WHAT! I actually looked up the definition of man. And to sum it up, the definition reads, man-(n)- the opposite of a female. Don't bother looking it up, it reads a lot of rubbish if you ask me. No, I'm not a chauvinist. I married a man for crying out loud! And may I say, that my husband has many of these great qualities. But lets face it, there's no such thing as the perfect man, nor is their such thing as the perfect women.

Society doesn't help the situation either. I think we (women) make it too damn easy for men. We need to treat our (*) like jewels and keep them safely locked up until he, that special someone, is worthy of it. The definition of worthy (worthy-
having worth or merit or value; being honorable or admirable; "a worthy fellow")

I know what you're thinking. Yes, I've made my share of mistakes. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them.
Making the same mistakes over and over again is when it becomes a waste of precious time and energy. And unfortunately, that's when hearts get broken. Is this making any sense?

I read an interesting article the other day. It stated that when women have sex it causes the brain to release
oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It signals us to bond and mate with that person. Back in the day people would get married, have sex, and produce children, much different than today's society. Giving birth and breast feeding a child also causes the brain to release oxytocin, therefore, bonding with your children and nurturing them. It recommended women to wait or abstain from having any physical contact while dating someone. That way you're able to make a clear, rational decision without getting caught in the "oxytocin trap"- falling in love with someone you don't know. Is this person right for me? Does this person make me happy? Is this person worthy?

I sure wish someone would have shared this bit of information with me when I was on the market. Fortunately, I finally found my soulmate and was wise enough to wait to make a clear headed decision. Now back to the point of my story. I'm fully aware of how men think from my experiences in the past. And I still believe that boys never grow-up no matter how perfect they are. But I do believe that I can mold my '
boyz' to become gentlemen who are worthy, and in return attract sincere, intelligent women who are dignified.