Saturday, May 30, 2009

True Blood

Lately, I've come to terms with my hard core, hard to ignore , argumentative, temperamental behavior, and I'm not sure what to think of it. Hormonal change half way through a cycle, when the moon is nice and full, is when it all begins! All I can say is "the apple does not fall far from the tree". I have to thank my ancestors for this particular trait I inherited! And to make matters worse it comes from my ancestors from BOTH sides of the family!

On my mother side, my blessed Cuban grandfather, who I loved dearly. But who had an unpredictable temper that would knock you into the following day! He never laid a hand on us, never had to. All he had to do was look at us a certain way and unleash his rage!

My grandfather was an opinionated, stubborn individual. I never met a man like him. He was a hard working, sincere, and devoted human being in every aspect of his life until he became sick a few years before his death in 2008. He had so much passion when he spoke of stories from his childhood memories or a story that he simply wanted to share with us. It was difficult not to stay focused! Never mind the fact that if we didn't pay attention it may have easily provoked his temper to lash out! And we, my sister, my cousin and I, most certainly, did not want to unveil it! I assumed that he basically could not control his outbursts. I believe he acknowledge it and truly suffered from it. I'm sure of it! If he was capable of doing so, he would've been able to control his sudden outbursts during Sunday services at his church!

My grandfather also grasped the fact that he could not have a civilized conversation with anyone about a subject that he felt strongly about, whom may have had different views on the discussion. Undeniably, it would have lead into an argument! So, he took it to heart and expressed his feelings through "good old" pencil and paper and wrote. And so, I and whom he felt the need to express his gut wrenching feelings to, have a collection of his letters.

Now, for my father side of the family, I can only imagine what my Arab grandfather, born in New York and brought up in Honduras, was like. I only met him once or twice in my childhood days. And my first impression of him was, "mountain man". He lives all alone in a small house (love shack) on the outskirts of Tegucigalpa, up in the mountains. He is an astonishing man! Continues to excavate opals for a living, and among his trillion and one hobbies, are his ham radios. I remember looking at a variety of interesting things that surrounded him in his home. It was a bit of a blur. I basically could not keep focused on just one thing. I barely remember his face for that matter. Unmistakably, A.D.D. stems from WAY DOWN into the root!

My perception for why he lives up in the mountains ALONE is probably because he disliked for anyone to interfere in his work and his hobbies. One word comes to mind "control," no, two words "one way". I came up with this analogy by observing my father. And if it wasn't for my blessed mother, he too, would live all alone. No offense, Dad, I know, the truth hurts! The truth of the matter is, my father did not fall far from the tree, neither, and so I strongly believe that I inherited my "childish tantrums", one of the few cold blooded traits, from my blessed father! Thanks Dad! Although, I must say, I'm proud of who I've become and I'm fully aware of my argumentative and sometimes controlling behavior, especially when it comes to raising our children as vegetarians which gives me a head start! Step one in A.A. "Awareness"!

So, inevitably, I am conscious that my children may have also inherited this WONDERFUL trait. "True blood" is hard to deny. I'm aware that I must be cautious of my sudden outburst and hope that by self-control and by setting a good example, Mother Nature will be defeated!

Monday, May 18, 2009


I found this fabulous toothbrush that instantly attracted my attention because of its extraordinary design. This was a purchase made strictly based on "looks". I would have to agree with the husband on this purchase. Not only was it based on looks but also the products name, "Preserve". This remarkable toothbrush is environmentally-friendly, made with 100% recycled plastic in the handles, including recycled yogurt cups. Engineered by Dentists, its curved handle makes it more effective for a thorough cleaning. It has "virgin nylon bristles" with soft outer rows to protect your gums and tooth enamel. I also like the fact that the packaging can be used as a travel case.

SOLD! Not only did I love the look and name of the product but also because of its cause. And I'm also thrilled that the product is as effective as its looks! Now, maybe, I won't feel so bad about the endless diapers that are being dumped into landfills because I can't convince myself to use cloth diapers or g diapers at the present time. Hopefully, that will change, after I potty train my 2 year old. I just can't see myself scraping a pile of shit into the toilet or scrubbing, rinsing and wringing out cloth diapers in the bathroom sink, while my toddler runs around in his half pinned up diaper, that I would imagine, I had trouble putting on him because I had, "Drama" (my 9 month old), screaming in the other room for no remote reason, just because he thinks it's SO FUNNY to see his crazy mamma running toward him like a distressed nut!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

What a beautiful, shitty vacation!

What a beautiful, shitty vacation we had this Mother's Day weekend! The beautiful part was where we stayed, which was in a luxurious condominium overlooking the bay, called the Kelly Towers Plantation, in Destin, Fl. We stayed with my cousin who loves the finer things in life and remarkably stays down to earth, her 6-year old daughter, and her husband.

The shitty part was my children. Not necessarily my kids, but because of their age. A 2-year-old and a nine-month-old is not a right age to be traveling. Especially, if the vacation is a short one and the destination takes over 2 hours to get there. It took us approximately 6 hours and a few stops to change diapers and adjust positions.

If you are going to make a trip to the beach with the grandparents and the children, you must stay for at least a week in the same townhouse, condominium, etc., fully equipped. And the building should be smack in front of the beach! Do not separate the family, the grandparents with one child in one building and the parent and the other child in another. (PARENT, as in the husband conveniently decided to stay behind.) Because, you are bound to need something for the child you're with that's in the bag that got sent with the grandparents and the other child in the OTHER building. At this age and the difference between ages, they share just about everything, right down to the size of their diaper. Speaking of which, my 9-month-old is a bit plump and is catching up fairly quickly to his older brother. If you must separate the group, then both places should be equipped with everything, such as a freakin' kitchen! Needless to say, the grandparents and I ran ourselves ragged, walking from one building to the other, every time we needed something.

OK, also, I must say that if you're planning on staying with relatives or friends, make sure you know that person very well. Make sure you know and except their personality, and that they will be able to handle yours as well. My cousin is a bit of a clean freak. Her anxiety builds up with sudden movements, loud noises and crumbs on the counter tops. She also feels that there needs to be a game plan way before you can think of a game. My parents have a personality that is the total opposite. They are "pack rats", "go with the flow", "play it by ear", "whistle while you work" type of individuals. They pick up the mess at the end of a task. If they miss the bus, they'll simply wait for the next one to come along, sort of speak. I fall somewhere in between. Probably because I married a "clean freak", "plan ahead", "get your ass in gear", "wipe on, wipe off" type of individual. I can almost much tolerate any personality. So, I know how to adapt to people pretty quickly. And to prove it, my brother-in-law is living with us at the present time, and I'm tolerating him. End of discussion.

My personality shines when something of "importance" is lost or if I'm running late. My anxiety builds up because of "procrastination". That's when I explode into panic mode! Although, I must say, I do work well under pressure. But if I lose something, because of my absent mindedness, I freak out and I find someone to blame! That's, basically, what happened this weekend when I lost my purse. I can't blame it totally on my disorder. Walking from one place to another like a crazy person, because my kids needed something that was, without a doubt, left in the other building, I believe, had something to do with it. Thank God I found it! I would have had the sumptuous, affluent, languishing retirement community under lock down! Because my purse didn't just simply walk away for God sake! In my mind, we most certainly were burglarized! And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with growing up in New Orleans!

Overall, the vacation turned out to be a learning experience. Thanks to the children. My 2-year-old and my cousin's 6-year-old beautiful daughter had a great time playing together. I was happy to see that our abnormal behavior did not seem to affect them at all. In fact, we all can learn something from our children. As I observed the two of them playing, I noticed how happy and carefree they were with each other. It was like nothing else existed nor mattered to them, but each others company. NO HOUSE. NO FURNITURE. NO BREAKABLES. NO SCHEDULE. NO TIME. NO DISORDERS. NO MIRRORS. NO PRIDE. NO EGO. NO MONEY. only each others presence seems to matter. My child learned so much from watching his cousin this weekend. And I was thankful that their focus was on each other and not on our compulsive personality disorders we all seem to develop as adults and strangely not as children.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Destin, Florida, here I come, with the baggage!

3 days and counting! The boys and I are taking a trip to visit my cousin in Destin and I can hardly wait! She moved there about a year ago and I've been meaning to make a trip with the babies to visit her and her 5 year old daughter. But the boys would always get sick and it was a never ending battle of different types of viruses, since then. We are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! "Praise the Lord, pass the Taters!" No, I'm not a holy roller or a hill billy for that matter. I'm just freakin' thrilled! I haven't brought them back to Mother's Day Out since they've gotten better. That infested place will have to be quarantined before I send them back there again! I made a phone call to them to discuss my issues , but was distracted by my 9 month old, who picked up a bad habit called screaming. His new nickname is 'Drama. 'Drama' was on my hip and in my ear the whole time while I tried to express my concerns. So, I'm not threw with them just yet! I'll have to attempt another phone call while the babies are sleeping.

As of right now I'm suffering from 'travel anxiety', which means, my brain is working like a speed train, thinking of what needs to be done before we leave, and my body is trying to catch up! So my brain is, pretty much, already in Destin drinking a corona with a lime, laying out by the beach, and my body is saying, "Damn, Shit for brains!" To sum it up in one word...PROCRASTINATION!

Procrastination basically runs in my family and it didn't seem to be a problem, till I had kids. So, naturally, I have a "mountain" of things to do before we leave.

  • wash clothes
  • go grocery shopping
  • groom and bathe the dogs
  • pack suitcases for all 3 of us
  • buy Anthony swimming trunks
  • find swimmies for both Anthony and Nicholas
  • make an the vet for the dogs ( over due! )
  • make an apt. to board my 3 dogs and set up who will bird sit

So, there it is, a pile of shit to do and very little time to do it!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

"Behind bars"

I hope that this is the only type of bars I'll ever witness my son behind! So help me God!