Thursday, February 26, 2009

Happy Lundi Gras!!!

Wow!!! What a Blast! I've forgotten how much fun it is to hang out with my friends and let my hair hang down! I feel like a million bucks! You really need to get out of your element every now and then.

Thanks to my Mom and Dad who babysat my two- year-old and my Mother-in-law who babysat my seven-month-old. It was the most fun I've had in a very long time.

I also like to thank my Sisters, Earza and Shonti lace
(made up names) who were able to take time off and spend it with me during Mardi Gras. And, my best friend Jackie-O and her husband Hubba Bubba (made up names), who made it all possible. I don't know what I would do with out y'all. I mean, y'all are the best! Jackie-O, you bring out the best (crazy, sexy, wild) in us! Thanks for "keeping it real"!

Oh, by the way, Jackie-O's boobies are 100% real! Just kidding, to all you perv's out there, they're 100% rubber, made in China.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


"Shut the fuck up!" is what I really wanted to say! "The baby is sleeping!" I have mastered the art of quietness, thanks to my babies. I only wish that the whole world would cooperate in this blissful experience I perfected. Well, I did! I can walk across a large room on wooden floors without making a screech. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. It may resemble a sniper getting ready to attack a platoon, a lion pouncing a meal, or a ballerina...get the picture? I put my baby down to sleep ever so gently like a floating feather. I walk away floating like a feather...soft heal to soft toe, with such grace. I can't say the same for my husband, poor guy. He's broken a few bones in his life time from dirt biking (whole other story). Anyway, He tries so hard to walk quietly, but no matter how hard he tries, he sounds like "Snap, Crackle, & Pop".

Another well perfected talent that I seem to have mastered is closing doors. You know the door knob, well I actually turn the mother fucker before I close the son of a bitch. Yes, I'm aware that I'm insulting myself by saying those profanities, but I've been saying them all my life. Well, from adolescence till now and it's a little hard to control. And yes, I am aware (Mom) that if I don't control them my 2 year old will have learned quickly that his Mom was a Sailor at one time or another.

OK, another issue I'm having are my dogs, the neighbors dogs and every other dog within 100 yards radius and I can't do anything about it. Well, I can, but I'll have every dog lover on earth commenting on how cruel it is to shock the piss out my dogs and even worse remove their vocal cords. So, I'll stick to the humane way, call Ceaser Millan (dog whisperer) and invite him over for dinner.

I come to realize how noisy the world is these days, I mean, I'm out here in the country and it's still freakin' noisy! Like the garbage truck, bunch of fucking idiots, well, they are, the abbreviation BFI is written on the side of the truck. Planes, trains, automobiles, every freakin' thing on this planet makes noise. It would be a miracle if I sat here for 10 minutes without hearing a plane pass by. Poor birds, not only do we pollute the ocean but even the sky. (whole other issue)

Hmmm... Now where was I? Oh yeah, NOISE POLLUTION... What would we do without it? Well, I can think of a few things right off the bat. Maybe, some time to my freakin' self! As my babies sleep peacefully in their cribs, I can enjoy a good book or even a cat nap, or perhaps indulge in a whirlpool bath. OK, who am I kidding, a shower is all I have time for.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Happy Belated Valentines Day!

What a WONDERFUL day Valentines Day is! Ugh! Maybe for an unmarried couple who are gazing into each other eyes foreseeing a beautiful wedding and living in a house with a white picket fence, a well behaved dog and happy children playing. That's only in fairy tales. Here is how it REALLY plays out.

Saturday 2am in the morning... my 2 year old wakes up crying because he has puked all over the sheets. He has a stomach bug that he caught guessed it, DAYCARE!
3am... my 6 month old decides this is the best time to wake up and practice his babbling and get a midnight snack. How cute!
6am... Rise and Shine! my 2 year old is ready for his morning bottle and some toons.
7am... standing by the coffee machine waiting desperately for my fix!
9am...breakfast! yeah right!
9am...Lost my appetite because I changed a diaper full of you know what and then some!
10am... Oh by the way honey Happy Valentines Day!

The moral of this story is.... Valentines should be celebrated, in my opinion, on your own watch which for me is TODAY, or tomorrow, or every day, or this very moment... as I'm looking right next to me and watching my husband cuddling our 2 year old son. I think to myself... through good times and bad times, through sickness and in health, through constipation and diarrhea this man will stand by me for many many years to come... So help me God.

Friday, February 13, 2009


Look up at the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No... it's SUPERMOM! Yeah, that's right, I'd rather be called supermom than octopussy. I was told when I became pregnant with baby number 2, shortly after number 1, not to worry. "You just do it." I was told. "You'll become Supermom!" HELL! They weren't lying!

I'm thinking of that day, when I was ambitious enough to go to the gym with my 2 babies. (baby no.1, twenty-month-old & baby no.2, four-month-old) Well, this gym, and I won't say the name, is reputable and supposedly one of the best gyms in the state, So I've heard. I decided this is the gym I would join. They have all the amenities you can think of, and even cater to families with small children. They have a great swimming pool with a lazy river, great daycare, and so on and so forth. I didn't have any children 3 years ago when I joined, and wasn't planning on having any. Well OBVIOUSLY if I had 3 dogs, 2 birds, and a lizard! Oh, and a talking parrot, thank you very much.

Anyway, this FABULOUS gym that I belong to 3 years later, (which I'm currently paying for and never go) has all the amenities but a stinking elevator. And they decided to put there daycare on the 2nd FLOOR! So, when I get there, my plan is to put my newborn in the baby B-jorn, and stroll my toddler through the parking lot. I can't imagine holding him by the hand and walking him. What if he wants to pull away from me? and then....Well, you get the picture. Crazy, right? Not to mention the great distance my little toddler would assume we were walking towards. JAPAN!

Everything works like a charm until I get to the part with the stairs. "OKAY", I said. This is going to be a LITTLE more challenging then I thought. I ask the sweet girl behind the desk, "what shall I do with my stroller?" She suggested to leave it at the bottom of the stairs by the side entrance, where if anyone decides they need a stroller, they can just help themselves to mine. "fine", I said. I proceeded to walk up the stairs with my baby in my pack, and my toddler by the hand. By the way, he had a great time climbing those stairs. What is it with toddlers and stairs? We finally made it to the top of Mount Everest, I drop off the babies at the daycare facilities, and everything is working A-OK, thus far. I workout for about an hour, then go fetch the children. Well, when I get there, my toddler acts like he hasn't seen me in YEARS and decides to climb up me like a little monkey, which is fine by me, but, there is only room for one in my pack, and I still have baby no.2 to deal with. So, of course, he has the biggest fit, and cradles my leg for dear life! At that moment, I remember wanting to twitch my nose to get us where we needed to be... HOME!

Thank goodness for the sweet girl who offered to carry my toddler down the stairs with me. I can only imagine what I looked like to her. Something out of National Geographic, I'm sure!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

There's Something About Moms

This is the first day in 2 freaking weeks that I’m able to take pleasure in a cup of coffee. I’m sitting outside of CC’s coffee house in River Ranch freezing my touche off. I didn’t realize how cold it was going to be and I had forgotten to grab a jacket! But, I’m ok with it, I’ve been cooped up inside my house with 2 sick babies, I think I can handle a little cold weather.

I was on a mission this morning and that was to get up, get dress, dress my 2 kids and drop them off at pre-school for 8:45. It would have been a breeze if I would have woken up at 7:30 instead of 8:00! That’s right it took me 30 minutes to get dress, dress both babies and squeeze in a breakfast bar and go! Thank goodness the school is only 5 minutes away. I absolutely LOVE this town! Let’s just say if you’re new in town, you can never get lost.

Since it’s been a while since I spoke to a stranger out in public, I had forgotten how to act in public. I had an appointment with my skin care specialist at 9:30, so when I get there I get into the elevator and ask the nice lady if she was going up. Well, duh! Where else would it go, we’re on the 1st floor. Then, I assume she knows what floor I’m going up to. Anyway, I’m just happy that I’m out of the house with no babies! Did I say that already?

So after my appointment I decide to come to CC’s to have my coffee and follow up on some blogs. And after that, I’m debating whether or not I should go to eye masters and pick up contact lenses or, walk across the street to my favorite shoes store and buy a pair of sassy shoes. Hmmm? In the meantime I decide to check myself in my Andy Warhol pocket pistol mirror....Yikes! Have you ever seen the movie “There is Something about Mary” well, enough said. It’s completely full of dry spit up from my 6 month old, and I’m also sporting oatmeal flakes to compliment my FABULOUS dew!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

OK I'm grateful...Grateful Dead that is!

No, I'm not a Debbie-downer. It's just a way I relieve stress. I enjoy every minute of my life. I wouldn't  trade it for the world, but as of now, I have no life... The little time that I do have, I spend it writing on this blog. And yes, I'm hooked!

Today my time was spent changing diapers full of diarrhea of my 6-month-old. He is on antibiotics for an ear infection, that I suspect he caught by his 2-year-old, big brother. Big Brother caught a terrible cold and was diagnosed with croup, which then led to asthma a week ago. We've been doing breathing treatments every 4 hours since then.

Thank goodness they're both feeling better. But now, I'm feeling different bringing them to daycare. It seems like every time they go to that place, they get sick! I don't know what's worse! Having to deal with them healthy 24/7 or having 5 hours of peace to myself twice a week then dealing with them sick for the remainder of the day. The daycare does not allow us to bring them when they are sick. But, if they have a runny nose and no fever, they will take them.

In my opinion, there's misleading information going around about runny noses. Some so-called experts say that it's because they are teething. I strongly disagree with them.  There are at least 320,000 different virus that infect mammals today. Children are more than likely to catch one of those viruses because they don't wash their hands and put their fingers in their mouths. Rest assure that most runny noses are caused by a virus and not because of teething.

All I'm suggesting is to pay close attention to the signs of a toddler who has a runny nose, it may very well be a cold (virus). My toddler loses his appetite, he's whiny, and cannot get a good night sleep. He basically acts like a 2-year-old! He usually has a low-grade fever as well. I've also noticed he demands more juice than most days because of a sore throat.

We are all guilty of it, bringing our children to daycare with a runny nose just to get a break. I'm totally with you on that one! But sometimes I wonder, would we put an end to stubborn viruses if we keep our sick kids home?

Friday, February 6, 2009


No one can imagine how hard it is until they have experienced it themselves. I mean, I really did not know how much of a sacrifice it would be, until I became a parent. Parents don't tell you every single detail, because they want you to experience it for yourself, OR they're trying to get back at you for what they had to put up with, with YOU.

Well, I'm here to tell you that being a parent, stay-at-home mom at that, is much harder than any other job I've ever had the pleasure of doing. I use to run my own business as a mobile pet groomer. It's a tough job, but nothing compared to staying at home with my 2 boys, whom are 18 months apart , it's like playing TAG and YOU"RE IT all the time. And when they are sick, think of yourself as pac-man getting terrorized by the little goblins ! Not only is it physically challenging, but also, mentally...ESPECIALLY for the mother. We worry constantly about their health, education, and livelihood.

And in the end, correction, THERE IS NO END! As I look down upon my beautiful baby smiling back at me, holding him in one arm and typing one-handed....I Love these little Goblins!