It's going on 3 YEARS and 8 MONTHS since we've gone on vacation WITHOUT THE KIDS. It's not practical anymore...At least for me it isn't. Not with 2 toddlers, 3 neurotic dogs and a schizophrenic bird that need to be taken care of while we're away. Who in God's name would want to babysit 3 dogs, a bird and 2 diaper-wearing toddlers for a week? I know I wouldn't...IF I didn't have to. And to make matters worse, not just the kids, but our neurotic dogs go nuts when they observe us leaving them behind while the schizophrenic bird chants, "POLLY WANTS A GUN!" "POLLY WANTS A GUN!" then, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", and a few other rap/nursery rhymes. Furthermore, how much it'll cost boarding 3 dogs. And from what I've gathered from a conversation my Mom and I recently had... AN ITALY TRIP would also be on our I.O.U. tab. I don't blame her. She's due for a vacation as well. One word comes to mind. RETIRE! Great news though! The husband said to tell her, she can come with us when we go to Italy. I asked him, "When do you suppose WE'RE going?" (No response)
I excepted the fact that the closest vacation spot I'd ever get to experience at the present time would be IN MY SLEEP, lying on a hammock under a palm tree, gazing at the moon and the brightly lit stars. That is until a fucking coconut falls and hits me on the head. Better said, "Scream 1" is needing a pacifier and "Scream 2" is needing a bottle at 2 A.M. IN THE FREAKING MORNING. So with that being said, I decided that I would go and meet the in-laws on vacation in good ole' "Sweet Home Alabama". It would be a whole lot sweeter than me sitting at home dreaming up one.
Now here's the catch! I'd have to bring the diaper-wearing kids, "Scream 1" and "Scream 2" along. Because that was the whole purpose of the vacation. My mother-in-law wanted to spend some time with all of her children (6 to be exact), and all of her grandchildren (12 to be exact), and one great-grandson. I totally understood why and we wanted to be a part of it. But, here's another catch! The husband would have to stay behind for good reason that I won't bother getting into. Just believe me when I say that the whole world depended on it.
So, I had to make the journey a little more practical by bringing one of my best friends to help me with the kiddos and to spend some quality time together.(diaper-changing skills required) Hey...You didn't think for a moment I'd travel by- myself with the Rugrats and endure 72 hours of parenthood. It's not what I signed up for, to say the least. And yes, it was only 3 nights and 3 days of PURE INSANITY I would've had to endure. I'm only human after all.
This video I created sums up what my long-awaited vacation was like. Keep in mind that we traveled from Houston to New Orleans in two vehicles. Gratefully, I was able to jam out to some Pandora on the way. Here is where we spent Father's Day weekend together at my best friend's Oasis...We call "Pelican Paradise". Then the husband returned back to Houston, and my friend and I (rugrats included) continue on our journey to Gulf Shores, where the in-laws were staying at my sister-in-law's private beach house called "Times-Picadune", overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. No coconut trees, but a whole lot of sand and a few tar balls. One of the FEW tar balls happened to float its way into my swimsuit which passed itself onto my ass. No biggie though...Luckily, baby's got back to protect her from hazardous chemicals and environmental damage. Nothing a little Dawn dish detergent can't handle.
I have to admit, the video doesn't do much justice ON HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD! (No exaggeration intended in this line.) I simply have to be thankful that I married into such a great family! I'm also thankful for my best friend, who takes me in and puts up with me and all my baggage other than the husband. They really made me feel at home and carefree. So I want to say, THANK YOU! To all you "Captain dickheads!" ( You know who you are.) Who made me feel like I can LOOSEN UP! ENJOY LIFE! AND PLAY "THE GAME"! Let's just say, thanks to those who created alcohol games to occupy a little time and relieve tension when needed.
Dude! Are we there yet? from pokerfacemom on Vimeo.