Thursday, January 7, 2010

EXTRA! EXTRA! A GORILLA IS SPOTTED WITH TWO BABIES IN A DOMESTICATED AREA IN TEXAS!

Where do I begin! Let me think.We moved into our new home here in Texas about two months ago, and ever since then I haven't had the time to take a cat-nap, and even less, write on my blog. I haven't had the energy to do anything I actually want. The only mammal I can relate to these days is a gorilla in the midst of all this unpacking, diaper-changing, and going up and down the fucking stairs approximately 100 fucking times a day!

Why gorillas do you ask? Because I walk around all day with a one-year-old and a two-year-old hanging on me, like two baby monkeys hanging on their mother, as she walks around performing her daily routines. Pulling on her hair, her ears, her fingers. And I gotta tell you... Gorillas have it WAY better than we do. Only because they don't have to worry about what they look like in the process. I can't tell you how many times I looked in the mirror at the end of a day and saw that I had banana gook stuck to my face, hair, and ASS.

I suppose the husband and I were delirious after house-hunting. We looked at 15 different homes with our two kids in a single day. It wasn't easy getting in and out of the car. We eventually settled on a two-story home that include a series of stairs. 15 steps to be exact. All I can say is I better have buns-of-steel in the next couple of months because I climb those stairs like a warrior commencing into battle EVERY FUCKING DAY! "Beyonce' who?", is what the husband better be asking in a few months.

Another issue we're having while the kid's bedrooms are upstairs, and the master is downstairs, they think we're on different planets when they're left alone in their rooms. They wake up after a nap screaming BLOODY MURDER! Like, they were lost in outer space, never to be found again! So, guess where they sleep at night? You guessed it. All four us sleep in the master suite downstairs. I wake-up every morning, and walk like a zombie, unconsciously and miraculously, STRAIGHT to my state-of-the-art Mo-Jo machine, and fix me a hardcore, hazelnut cafe latte with a double shot of espresso. And that, my friends, is how I'm surviving the insanity. I'm just thankful it's a king size bed and that we're all pretty lean and petite.

If you're wondering about our three dogs, they went from sleeping in a hotel suite to a motel with a window. The mud room in our old house was WAY bigger than this one. Also, the yard is insanely small! Forget about walking on the grass. There's a pile of shit, a foot away from each other, covering the entire yard. I'm also missing our mud sink to bathe our dogs in, which was so much more convenient than breaking your back bending over the tub. It's bad enough that I need to bathe my kids in one. I realize now how much it's worth to pay a groomer to groom your dogs. PRICELESS!!! I'm seriously thinking about converting one of our guest bathrooms into a grooming salon. FOUR fucking toilets are too many to maintain, anyhow!

Don't misunderstand me. I love our new home! It's beautiful! It's newly built construction. We have a game room and a media room which is awesome to have when your kids are this age. I don't even mind the problem we're having with field mice in our kitchen. They're pretty damn cute. We've been capturing them, one-by-one, each day in a reusable live mouse-trap and letting them go in the field behind our home. My two-year-old gets a kick out of it. It's funny though, the problem never seems to end. For all we know it may be the same mouse making a U-turn right back into our home. And if that's the case, then we've been capturing the same persistent, condescending mouse for well over a month now. Why does Ratatouille come to mind?

So far, Houston is not too bad of a place to live. There's a hell of a lot to do around here. They're museums. SO many restaurants. A ridiculous amount of indoor and outdoor shopping centers, it's pretty insane. There's so much to choose from; we have something to do every weekend for an entire year.We can't believe how kid-friendly everything is around here. The shopping centers have an indoor park made of plush material for the kids to play on. They also have an indoor carousel! The only problem, you can forget about shopping if you have the kids with you. Or perhaps, you can try blindfolding them.

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