Thursday, February 19, 2009

Shhhh!

"Shut the fuck up!" is what I really wanted to say! "The baby is sleeping!" I have mastered the art of quietness, thanks to my babies. I only wish that the whole world would cooperate in this blissful experience I perfected. Well, I did! I can walk across a large room on wooden floors without making a screech. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. It may resemble a sniper getting ready to attack a platoon, a lion pouncing a meal, or a ballerina...get the picture? I put my baby down to sleep ever so gently like a floating feather. I walk away floating like a feather...soft heal to soft toe, with such grace. I can't say the same for my husband, poor guy. He's broken a few bones in his life time from dirt biking (whole other story). Anyway, He tries so hard to walk quietly, but no matter how hard he tries, he sounds like "Snap, Crackle, & Pop".

Another well perfected talent that I seem to have mastered is closing doors. You know the door knob, well I actually turn the mother fucker before I close the son of a bitch. Yes, I'm aware that I'm insulting myself by saying those profanities, but I've been saying them all my life. Well, from adolescence till now and it's a little hard to control. And yes, I am aware (Mom) that if I don't control them my 2 year old will have learned quickly that his Mom was a Sailor at one time or another.

OK, another issue I'm having are my dogs, the neighbors dogs and every other dog within 100 yards radius and I can't do anything about it. Well, I can, but I'll have every dog lover on earth commenting on how cruel it is to shock the piss out my dogs and even worse remove their vocal cords. So, I'll stick to the humane way, call Ceaser Millan (dog whisperer) and invite him over for dinner.

I come to realize how noisy the world is these days, I mean, I'm out here in the country and it's still freakin' noisy! Like the garbage truck, bunch of fucking idiots, well, they are, the abbreviation BFI is written on the side of the truck. Planes, trains, automobiles, every freakin' thing on this planet makes noise. It would be a miracle if I sat here for 10 minutes without hearing a plane pass by. Poor birds, not only do we pollute the ocean but even the sky. (whole other issue)

Hmmm... Now where was I? Oh yeah, NOISE POLLUTION... What would we do without it? Well, I can think of a few things right off the bat. Maybe, some time to my freakin' self! As my babies sleep peacefully in their cribs, I can enjoy a good book or even a cat nap, or perhaps indulge in a whirlpool bath. OK, who am I kidding, a shower is all I have time for.

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