Little Car Wash Of Horror

WARNING! No unappreciative teenagers allowed in this House Of Horror. There will be absolutely NO REFUNDS!

My name is Pokerfacemom, and I'm a Shopaholic

Lately, I haven't been able to feed my addiction that I obsessively crave, at least... hmmmmm... more than I should say. Wait a minute! I have a bit of telepathy going on right at this very moment! What's that honey? ("H-o-o-r-a-y! H-o-o-r-a-y!") That's great sweetie! I'm glad you're thrilled! As crazy as it sounds, I'm feeling pretty damn good about it also. It's nice to know that we'll be saving a few thousand dollars this year.

Luckily, for me that is, my cousin who has an online business on eBay, selling name-brand, hand-me-downs (Who has a multimillionaire friend connection), came over just in the nick-of-time, and saved me from the dreadful withdrawal syndrome I've been suffering from for these past few months! She came over with a bag FULL of designer name-brand jeans that, apparently, I never seem to have enough of! And to be open and honest about it, I wanted to purchase every single pair. Especially since I haven't been on a shopping spree for a very long time. It's just too hard to do with two sneaky toddlers. And these past few months I've been limited to Super Target. That's where I do most of my damage. I usually come back home with a bunch of unnecessary items, and most of the ones I have on my list, mysteriously works its way out of the cart. Pretty sneaky if you ask me. Anyway, it felt as though I truly had an addiction that was irrepressible. Seriously. If my cousin would have had an endless supply of the stuff, I might have been subjected to a rehab facility by possibly THE  HUSBAND.

Now, this is going to be a little difficult for me to do. I would want to keep this kind of information to myself, it would greatly increase the chances of me winning. But, since I've become a better person after having children, I will eagerly share it with all of you! If you like to check out my cousin's eBay store, just click on the link in this sentence. Take a look at what she has to offer and her great prices, which is basically a steal if you consider how much it would cost brand new at the store. Some of her stuff is BRAND NEW with tags! But I must warn you, they go pretty fast!

STEP RIGHT UP FOLKS AND PLACE YOUR BETS! I'LL BE RIGHT THERE BESIDE YOU PLACING MINE!

I think my real problem would've been if I did NOT splurge and buy these bad- ass True Religion Swarovski crystal jeans. I'd say to the husband, "I must have fallen off my rocker and bumped my head, to just go right ahead and trade me in for a newer model." And you might as well subject me into an INSANE ASYLUM while you're at it!

Apparently I made the right decision because ever since I made that purchase, I've been floating on cloud 9 and loving every minute of it! And I'm pretty sure the husband is loving it also. There it is again! What's that honey? ("F-r-o-m  b-i-t-c-h  t-o  s-w-e-e-t-h-e-a-r-t  r-i-g-h-t  o-v-e-r-n-i-g-h-t!") Thanks babe! I'll have to agree with you on that one! I am feeling pretty damn sweet! And SO SPANKIN' HOT, you can hear me sizzle!

Live in the moment

Live in the moment from pokerfacemom on Vimeo.

I chose to create this video as an inspiration to my father who recently suffered an unexpected stroke. "Keep up the progress and never look back!" "Live and enjoy every moment." "Take small steps." "Live today, not yesterday or tomorrow." "Keep moving forward, Dad." "We love you!!!"

Take One!

My poor father! He's experiencing something so horrific and something so supernatural, that it could possibly be a good story line for the classic series, "Alfred Hitchcock presents". Anyone who knows my father well, would say that ironically this is the type of disease he would develop, because of its psychosomatic characteristics, and horrifying symptoms. Let me just say, my father loves ANYTHING that is science-fiction. Alfred Hitchcock is one of his all time classic favorites, followed by Star Trek, Twilight Zone, and The Planet of the Apes. My father has never been ill, since I can remember. He occasionally catches a cold, and sometimes suffers from headaches. Lately, he's been suffering from migraine headaches more often than usual. He refuses to see a doctor for anything. So this is out of the norm for our family to experience.

He is thought to be suffering from Meniere's disease. Meniere's disease is an abnormality of the inner ear, characterized by episodes of dizziness, tinnitus and progressive hearing loss (usually unilateral), to say the least. Dizziness can be tolerated, in my opinion. Tinnitus, I too experience at times, when I'm dehydrated or stressed, or maybe even sleep deprived. It's a high pitch ringing or roaring sound that suddenly occurs in one of my ears, as a subtle reminder to get some sleep or else, is what I've assumed. Now, if I can only train my brain to repeat those words, rather than sound the alarm, we would be in such harmony with each other.

Dizziness, tinnitus, and hearing loss, are a few symptoms that occur from this disease. The most dramatic and distressing symptom of them all is called, vertigo. vertigo is an illusion of movement; a sensation as if the external world were revolving around an individual or as if the individual were revolving in space. The person who is affected shows loss of normal equilibrium, for which the room begins to spin very fast, and they lose control of their ability to maneuver accurately. In some cases, they tend to walk sideways, that's if, they are able to get up and balance themselves. You're basically non-functional on one side, usually the side in which the ear is affected.

I can't comprehend the extent of fear that one develops when experiencing vertigo! But it sounds absolutely terrifying! Unless you're one of those freaks who thrives for an adrenaline rush, who are always looking for the ultimate ride of their lives. Or, on the other hand, someone who enjoys getting wasted followed by hurling in the toilet all night long.

To make matters MUCH worse, because the disease could be caused by a viral infection in the ear it can relapse simply by poor diet and stress. What's more stressful than knowing that it may trigger at any moment under stressful conditions? No chance in winning that particular challenge! "I'm not sure if I should fly?" "I really shouldn't have that second glass of wine." "I can't have a cup of coffee to wake my ass up?!" Do you feel my stress? And for the tip of the ice burg, I've read that it's hereditary! That's just FREAKIN' great! I'm stressed now.

My assumption is that if I'm experiencing ringing in my ears (tinnitus), then I must have it. It just hasn't occurred yet. I hope for my husbands sake that it never does! So I'm taking precautions right now! I'm taking control of my destiny! As of today, I quit drinking coffee, and maybe alcohol. I'll exercise regularly, even if it's just a brisk walk in the park. A proper diet and regular exercise can help reduce fluid retention, and reduce the fluid that builds up in the affected ear, which is thought to cause vertigo in Meniere's disease. The accumulation of excessive fluid can rupture the membranes. This results in mixing of the fluids, one rich in sodium and the other rich in potassium. The mixture of these fluids is thought to bring on vertigo. I will never step into my favorite clothing store, coincidentally called "VERTIGO", and feel the same again!

They also say, by keeping your emotional stress level down, may help to keep it under control. Did I hear someone say Valium? And for exercise, all I need is to add a double jogging stroller to my AWESOME collection of strollers, so I can add more bulk and two babies into my daily routine. Oh, I also forgot to mention that eliminating salt intake is primary. I guess no more pickles, OR CHEESE. Yes, I fell off the wagon more than twice since I've became vegan a year ago. Nobody's perfect.

In the meantime, We all are hoping and praying that this will pass very soon, and that my father can fully recover from this crazy, supernatural, thought to be Meniere's disease. So that my children can play with their WONDERFUL "Papi" who they love very very much.

Take Two!
Take two!

After writing this post, we discovered several days later that it was not Meniere's disease, after all. It was, unfortunately, a stroke that my father suffered from, which was caused by a brain aneurysm. I debated whether or not to publish this post, but I thought that Meniere's disease is so rare and strange that some people would want to know a little something about it. And I also wanted to inform people about the importance of getting your health checked when reaching certain milestones during your lifetime. As I said to myself, "Why go through labor pains during delivery, when I can experience it PAIN FREE!", which is not quite how it happened. Just as well as, why play guessing games with your symptoms when there is modern technology and experts that we can trust and rely on, for the most part, and who deal with these kind of cases on a daily basis. Who could ultimately save your life! After all, there is always a second opinion.

I just need to be thankful that my father suffered a minor stroke (cause by a genetically abnormal blood vessel), and that he has his strength to recuperate quickly and will continue to push forward. His mind is still very strong, and I feel confident that he will conquer this with ease and have very little or no symptoms at all. This was just a 'freak' incident that has happened to him, because the tests that they ran on him on that dreadful day came back looking perfect! They showed no signs of high blood pressure and his cholesterol level looked great! Thanks to his vegetarian diet! I guess that's why they sent him home confirming that it may have been a pinched nerve. Again, I keep telling myself, that no one is perfect. "It's just pure bad luck," is what the radiologist said. I still wonder about those migraine headaches he's been complaining about. That doesn't matter anymore. The important thing to remember here, is that life can have unexpected twists and turns. For whatever reason why these things happen will remain a mystery, and what we need to focus on now are the positive and wonderful things in life. We need to continue to push through the difficult and challenging times that may lie ahead, and continue to live our lives the best way we know how, to push forward and stay positive.

I'm glad my father still has his sense of humor, it will be beneficial for a speedy recovery. The incidents that led to my fathers unfortunate stroke is a whole other story. He is more than willing to share it with us at a later time. I must say, the photographs that he shot leading to the stroke is funny enough to share by itself.

3 a.m. start time at Woodstock

I'm so AMAZINGLY relaxed about this move, that I might as well have Woodstock on the brain! We are moving to Houston because of a well-deserved promotion, and we only have a couple of months to fall in love with a house, purchase it, then move the entire family and our belongings into our new home. This is going to be very interesting to see how it play's out. Because particularly, when the going gets tough, the tough will back out at the last minute and blame it on the husband for disrupting her whole entire universe that she's VERY comfortable living in.

I know what you're thinking, "Give the poor bastard a fucking break!" "If it wasn't for him, we'd be living on the streets begging for food!" I'm not too convinced I would allow that to happen, but it's something I thought of. Personally, I would not appreciate going back to the hustle and bustle of back-breaking, labor-intensive pet grooming, then come back home coughing up hairballs, covered in bodily fluids, and be greeted by a couple of crying, needy children. I'd imagine that my kids would probably be starving and running around screaming in nothing but a diaper, like lawless children, because after work, I wouldn't have the energy to cook, nor do laundry for that matter, and much more less, discipline them for tearing up the house. I have a total new respect for working mothers, but better you than me.

And if it did happen, we might as well live on the streets! I don't see the difference between it, except for a little rain, some sunshine and a little bit of body odor. I'm thinking, garbage bags, sunblock and a some patchouli will assist in that. And maybe a conditioner for the dreadlocks hair we would develop for, not having the luxury of an occasional bath. I've always wanted to sport some dreads, though. Seriously! And, another consideration I had in mind is that my kids would not become spoiled little brats, because how could they? When there's not enough money to go around for food, much less an iphone, PC, or Xbox 360.

OK. Enough with the surreal life and back to the real world.

I thought of all different types of scenarios. So far, I rationalized that the best solution for our family is to keep moving forward. Whether it's across the  Pacific Ocean on a 24 hour sleeping pill or across the Atlantic Ocean where no one dares to explore, or visit for that matter. And forget about the plane ride! If this is the only way to travel the world with the family, then so be it.

I personally think it's very important for me to stay at home with my children, raise them appropriately and be full of energy while doing so. Especially, if we're moving them around like cargo to destination uncertainty. It's reassuring to know that there is one certain foundation in their lives. A Mother. A Wife. A Teacher. A Nurse. A Hair Stylist. A Chef......OKAY, maybe not a Chef. Someone who is capable and willing to care for her family and who knows in her heart that she is greatly appreciated. I just need to work on improving my ironing skills, put away the clothes, replenish the groceries and cook from time-to-time.

Till then, I'll keep fantasizing about my dreads and Woodstock!

Observation Report

After my observation of my 1 year old son, I conclude that humans evolved from monkeys. Evolution is undeniably a fact and not a theory. How much more evidence do people need?

Consumed!

Holy crap! Has it been a YEAR already! My baby boy Anthony made 1 last month and I feel like I've been in a coma and woke up just yesterday! Please tell me that time will slow down a bit once my babies become a little self sufficient! Technology doesn't help either! I've been totally consumed with my iphone and itunes "y i cadamba!" Technology and motherhood does not go well together! Especially if you're trying to make breakfast, change diapers, download and sync all at the same time! I think it's time for a nature walk away from cyberspace and motherhood and just breathe! "What's that honey?" "We're moving to Houston!" Stay tuned.

I love my Suki!

It sounds like a car not a facial care product, and yes, I do love my Suki! A product recommended by Sophie Uliano, the author of the book Gorgeously Green, credited by Julia Roberts who promotes and swears by the book. So of course, I needed to pick up a copy, and read it for myself. And I'm pleased to say that I'm 110% satisfied with one particular product. And, since I'm a mother of two busy little bodies, it's hard to treat myself to a facial as often as I like to. Suki has made it possible with a product like this one.

It's an exfoliate foam cleanser with sugar, rice flour, lemongrass and orange that gently cleanses and exfoliates dead cells, leaving your skin feeling like a brand-spanking, new-to-the-world, untouched by harsh chemicals, and environmentally damage-free, newborn skin! Its no wonder why the metaphor "baby soft skin" is over used to sell skin care products. Best way to describe it would be, soft to the touch, silky and smooth, never seen the light of the sun, hairless booty.

So, I'm totally on board with this product, until scientist can come up with a procedure that can repair cell tissue to its youthful state, which I've heard is on the works. I don't think I would mind being 90 something years old, on my death bed, looking fabulous and radiantly young. But, I would hope that I feel as good as I look during those last few years. Being shiny and new on the outside just doesn't make sense if it's old and dull, and not exactly tick-tocking like it should on the inside.

Freak Show

If you're not cringing or feeling chills up and down your spine right about now, then more power to you! We took our entourage, which included the grandparents, to see The Audubon Insectarium a few weekends ago. It was the perfect time to go since we are experiencing molting hot temperatures down here in the south for the past few weeks. And I knew that the building would be equipped with state-of-the-art central air conditioning systems that would keep us nice and cool with temperatures that felt like below 0 degrees.

The Insectaruim was everything I imagined it to be and more! I especially enjoyed the butterflies in flight exhibit. Mind-bogglingly, I was able to lose my entourage and experience it all by myself. It was like Zen. For the first time in a while I was at peace and serenity. OKAY! OKAY! Don't have a coronary, Mom! I essentially, NOT PURPOSELY, lost my crew and decided to go on without them. We must have made a thousand and one phone calls to each other in which all of them were DROPPED CALLS! I really need to make an old fashion phone call to AT&T and suggest that they consult with the Apple people about technical difficulties with the iphone and to ask them to PLEASE "raise the bar" a tad bit more. Anyway, after I was able to get through to them, we reunited and experienced the exhibit together as a family.

I thought the Insectarium was a little advanced for a two year old, but my little boy gave me the impression that he, remarkably, gets it. He pointed to every insect and called it by its scientific name. I mean, C'mon! What two year old does that? Here he is looking at the ant exhibit in fascination. He's either calculating how many ants are in a kingdom or daydreaming. My guess is.....he's totally daydreaming.

I should also mention that I don't have any problems whatsoever with MOST insects. But leave me in a room and lock me in with a single flying cockroach and I will scream like a girl starring in a horror movie and kick down the door like a undercover squad team.

I was fascinated by all of the insect exhibits, mostly the ones that were alive and not pinned down like some sort of science class experiment. I presume, and could only hope, that they were dead before they were pinned because of their short term life span. I couldn't resist not taking a picture of them, even though they were dead. Especially the butterflies and beetles, they had strategically pinned them in an artistic circular pattern and their colors were so beautiful and vibrant! Here are some quick shots I took.

Now for the freak show! Leave me in a room with 50 something or so cockroaches and just call the paramedics! I would just die if these cockroaches were out of their glass confinement! Canned foods will never look the same to me again! Let me just say that I hope everyone washes the lids before opening their canned goods.

And now for the Lord Of The Flies! If you lock me in a room full of these prehistoric looking critters, I would keel over and DIE, then resurrect from the dead so I can get the hell out of there!

And this is what Anthony, my 11 month old son, goes by the name "Drama", thought about the whole experience.

Million Dollar Baby

So here it is! The professional portrait that everyone (in the family) has been waiting for! My baby boys butt shot! And may I say, what a gorgeous butt it is! He got it from his "one-and-only" Mommy, passed on to me by my deceased blessed grandmother on my father side. I wish I can get paid a million dollars for this butt shot. It will compensate us, and some, for the past couple of months expenditures.

I mean, when it rains it pours! Everything seems to happen all at once! Indubitably, I blame it on karma. It began on an unforgettable evening of 'irreconcilable differences', when my coffee pot shattered into a million pieces, as I placed it ever so gently into the sink. Okay. That's a lie. I flung the fucker into the sink!

Have you ever felt the urge to scream so loud from frustration that it can possibly shatter glass? Well, that's how I felt on that particular evening, and thank God my children were no where near me at the time. FYI, glass shattering from screaming only happens in the movies. But with added 'special effects' and a little imagination, it can be fulfilled and feel so exhilarating! This unusual behavior only happens once in a blue moon. So I don't think it's a problem that needs to be dealt with. I think you're basically a freak if you don't show any type of emotions what-so-ever. I suggest to let it out when needed or you'll be walking around with a bomb stuck up your ass waiting to explode, nor could it be good for your heart. I can't imagine what kind of kitchen appliance I would have laid my vengeance upon if I would have had a bomb waiting to explode.(figuratively speaking)

As I said before, I believe karma has something to do with the sequence of unfortunate events that has happened in the past couple of months. I won't go into any details about the "act" of karma. But I will say that one argument led to another, about family, business, and money, a combination that is most certainly a big no no! A lesson learned not once but twice. Third strike and our new nick name is 'jack ass'!

So for the past few months, karma, laid her vengeance on us. Besides a negative bank account, my most friendliest, lovable dog, Lucy, suffers from on-going bladder infections, developed 50 something bladder stones, some the size of marbles, and had to go under the knife to get them removed. Gia, my adorable 9 year old bitch, is needing a dental cleaning, like now, or she'll lose most of her teeth. Elie, my 3 year old rat terrier, needs a dental cleaning too. She's prone to getting plaque built-up and has to get her teeth cleaned at least twice a year. Did I mention dogs are like kids, they'll drain your bank account. Have that in mind if you should ever consider having pets or children. Last but not least, my oven, it decides to retire after 6 years of baking.

What do I have left in the after math of it all? A 'Well Spent' ( I keep telling myself) million dollar butt shot picture of my beautiful baby boy, which I will treasure for as long as I can. Envisioning that one day, he will demand for it to be taken down from, what I call, 'The Wall of Fame' to spare him from, what he calls 'The Wall of Shame".

Just a little Wiki insight on the subject:

Karma means "deed" or "act" and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction that governs all life.

According to some religions we produce Karma in four ways:

• through thoughts
• through words
• through actions that we perform ourselves
• through actions others do under our instructions

We are in position to do something about our destiny by doing the right thing at the right time. Through positive actions, pure thoughts, prayer, mantra and meditation, we can resolve the influence of the karma in present life and turn the destiny for the better. As humans, we have the opportunity to speed up our spiritual progress with practice of good Karma. We produce negative karma because we lack knowledge and clarity.⁽¹⁹⁾

Next time, before I fling that coffee pot into the sink, I'll will practice good karma through positive action and think pure thoughts. I will turn my destiny for the better by gaining knowledge and clarity and do the right thing at the right time. Money will never be an issue for me again. No matter how rich we become, it will never be worth more than having a healthy, beautiful family.

CAUTION! NO DIVING!

It's SO DAMN HOT outside that I'm compelled to drill the husband about getting a swimming pool of our own by next summer. And all this talk about pools, such as, "I'm taking a dip in the pool!" "Gotta get the pool guy to come clean out our pool." "Come to our house for a pool party!" "We're only 139.59 miles away!", makes it extremely hard to resist. Let alone the drifting sounds that come from a yard with a pool. It's a little hard to ignore when the neighbors to my right, left, front and back have swimming pools. I can't resist every now and then to take a peek through the wooden fence. Just getting ideas for our future pool layout.

Anyway, it's not as if we haven't talked about getting a pool. That topic for discussion has been brought up once or twice at EVERY Southerners home while sipping on Long Island Ice Tea. Hell! I've talked about getting a pool since I was a kid! So I think it's about time that we get one!

But first things first. I need to get my 2 year old potty trained. I don't want to feel an unmistakable heat current flowing underneath me, and much less, a snickers bar floating around while we're swimming. It'd also be a good idea to get him started on some swimming lessons, too, just to ease the mind.

In the meantime I'll have to make do with what we have. And what we have is pretty damn bad. But it suites our needs and I'm thankful. I'm pretty sure my kids aren't missing anything, so that's good. To them, they're swimming in an Olympic size blow-up pool. I think of it as a mini cocktail pool. Just add cocktails!

I can't believe it's Tofu!!!

This ice cream is so orgasmicly yummylicious! Sex is over-rated when you can indulge in something so sinful and feel so guilt free! The flavor of choice is called Vanilla Almond Bark. I can't believe it's dairy free! Nor could I believe that the product is made with tofu, even though the product is made by (Tofu-tti).

I highly recommend that you take the first bite when there is ABSOLUTELY no distractions! How is this possible, you ask? Especially, if you have kids? Give some to your children in an ice cream cone and place them in some sort of restraint system, like a high chair and buckle them in. I guarantee they will settle down with their first lick!

It will have you wondering why ice cream was ever made with dairy in the first place! And those bits of Almond Bark, I'm assuming is what they are, will have you jumping up and down as though you were a kid again! My kids didn't know what to think of me. They seem to want to say, " OK, Mom, it's only ice cream!" But to me it is more than ice cream! It is DAIRY FREE ice cream! I can actually eat as much as I want of this stuff and never get fat!

Smells like Teen Trouble!

Uh Oh! I foresee myself in the near future unwantedly reacquainting myself with a disciplinarian! Unfortunately, this may very well mean that I haven't been spared after-all!

Mom, you still might have that chance you've been waiting for, to point your finger at me and laugh hysterically! Pay-back is a bitch!

All jokes aside. I really should have thought about not encouraging it either. I had my hand over my mouth the whole time so he wouldn't see me laugh! I swear!

Born Free!

My toddler can't keep his clothes on for more than an hour! I dress him from top to bottom every freakin' morning! Then, one by one, he removes an article of clothing until he feels as "free as a bird"!

I'm beginning to believe that the story of Adam and Eve, and the Garden of Eden, described in the book of Genesis, is true after all! We were meant to be naked and have no shame!

Thank God for photoshop!

True Blood

Lately, I've come to terms with my hard core, hard to ignore , argumentative, temperamental behavior, and I'm not sure what to think of it. Hormonal change half way through a cycle, when the moon is nice and full, is when it all begins! All I can say is "the apple does not fall far from the tree". I have to thank my ancestors for this particular trait I inherited! And to make matters worse it comes from my ancestors from BOTH sides of the family!

On my mother side, my blessed Cuban grandfather, who I loved dearly. But who had an unpredictable temper that would knock you into the following day! He never laid a hand on us, never had to. All he had to do was look at us a certain way and unleash his rage!

My grandfather was an opinionated, stubborn individual. I never met a man like him. He was a hard working, sincere, and devoted human being in every aspect of his life until he became sick a few years before his death in 2008. He had so much passion when he spoke of stories from his childhood memories or a story that he simply wanted to share with us. It was difficult not to stay focused! Never mind the fact that if we didn't pay attention it may have easily provoked his temper to lash out! And we, my sister, my cousin and I, most certainly, did not want to unveil it! I assumed that he basically could not control his outbursts. I believe he acknowledge it and truly suffered from it. I'm sure of it! If he was capable of doing so, he would've been able to control his sudden outbursts during Sunday services at his church!

My grandfather also grasped the fact that he could not have a civilized conversation with anyone about a subject that he felt strongly about, whom may have had different views on the discussion. Undeniably, it would have lead into an argument! So, he took it to heart and expressed his feelings through "good old" pencil and paper and wrote. And so, I and whom he felt the need to express his gut wrenching feelings to, have a collection of his letters.

Now, for my father side of the family, I can only imagine what my Arab grandfather, born in New York and brought up in Honduras, was like. I only met him once or twice in my childhood days. And my first impression of him was, "mountain man". He lives all alone in a small house (love shack) on the outskirts of Tegucigalpa, up in the mountains. He is an astonishing man! Continues to excavate opals for a living, and among his trillion and one hobbies, are his ham radios. I remember looking at a variety of interesting things that surrounded him in his home. It was a bit of a blur. I basically could not keep focused on just one thing. I barely remember his face for that matter. Unmistakably, A.D.D. stems from WAY DOWN into the root!

My perception for why he lives up in the mountains ALONE is probably because he disliked for anyone to interfere in his work and his hobbies. One word comes to mind "control," no, two words "one way". I came up with this analogy by observing my father. And if it wasn't for my blessed mother, he too, would live all alone. No offense, Dad, I know, the truth hurts! The truth of the matter is, my father did not fall far from the tree, neither, and so I strongly believe that I inherited my "childish tantrums", one of the few cold blooded traits, from my blessed father! Thanks Dad! Although, I must say, I'm proud of who I've become and I'm fully aware of my argumentative and sometimes controlling behavior, especially when it comes to raising our children as vegetarians which gives me a head start! Step one in A.A. "Awareness"!

So, inevitably, I am conscious that my children may have also inherited this WONDERFUL trait. "True blood" is hard to deny. I'm aware that I must be cautious of my sudden outburst and hope that by self-control and by setting a good example, Mother Nature will be defeated!

"Preserve"

I found this fabulous toothbrush that instantly attracted my attention because of its extraordinary design. This was a purchase made strictly based on "looks". I would have to agree with the husband on this purchase. Not only was it based on looks but also the products name, "Preserve". This remarkable toothbrush is environmentally-friendly, made with 100% recycled plastic in the handles, including recycled yogurt cups. Engineered by Dentists, its curved handle makes it more effective for a thorough cleaning. It has "virgin nylon bristles" with soft outer rows to protect your gums and tooth enamel. I also like the fact that the packaging can be used as a travel case.

SOLD! Not only did I love the look and name of the product but also because of its cause. And I'm also thrilled that the product is as effective as its looks! Now, maybe, I won't feel so bad about the endless diapers that are being dumped into landfills because I can't convince myself to use cloth diapers or g diapers at the present time. Hopefully, that will change, after I potty train my 2 year old. I just can't see myself scraping a pile of shit into the toilet or scrubbing, rinsing and wringing out cloth diapers in the bathroom sink, while my toddler runs around in his half pinned up diaper, that I would imagine, I had trouble putting on him because I had, "Drama" (my 9 month old), screaming in the other room for no remote reason, just because he thinks it's SO FUNNY to see his crazy mamma running toward him like a distressed nut!

What a beautiful, shitty vacation!

What a beautiful, shitty vacation we had this Mother's Day weekend! The beautiful part was where we stayed, which was in a luxurious condominium overlooking the bay, called the Kelly Towers Plantation, in Destin, Fl. We stayed with my cousin who loves the finer things in life and remarkably stays down to earth, her 6-year old daughter, and her husband.

The shitty part was my children. Not necessarily my kids, but because of their age. A 2-year-old and a nine-month-old is not a right age to be traveling. Especially, if the vacation is a short one and the destination takes over 2 hours to get there. It took us approximately 6 hours and a few stops to change diapers and adjust positions.

If you are going to make a trip to the beach with the grandparents and the children, you must stay for at least a week in the same townhouse, condominium, etc., fully equipped. And the building should be smack in front of the beach! Do not separate the family, the grandparents with one child in one building and the parent and the other child in another. (PARENT, as in the husband conveniently decided to stay behind.) Because, you are bound to need something for the child you're with that's in the bag that got sent with the grandparents and the other child in the OTHER building. At this age and the difference between ages, they share just about everything, right down to the size of their diaper. Speaking of which, my 9-month-old is a bit plump and is catching up fairly quickly to his older brother. If you must separate the group, then both places should be equipped with everything, such as a freakin' kitchen! Needless to say, the grandparents and I ran ourselves ragged, walking from one building to the other, every time we needed something.

OK, also, I must say that if you're planning on staying with relatives or friends, make sure you know that person very well. Make sure you know and except their personality, and that they will be able to handle yours as well. My cousin is a bit of a clean freak. Her anxiety builds up with sudden movements, loud noises and crumbs on the counter tops. She also feels that there needs to be a game plan way before you can think of a game. My parents have a personality that is the total opposite. They are "pack rats", "go with the flow", "play it by ear", "whistle while you work" type of individuals. They pick up the mess at the end of a task. If they miss the bus, they'll simply wait for the next one to come along, sort of speak. I fall somewhere in between. Probably because I married a "clean freak", "plan ahead", "get your ass in gear", "wipe on, wipe off" type of individual. I can almost much tolerate any personality. So, I know how to adapt to people pretty quickly. And to prove it, my brother-in-law is living with us at the present time, and I'm tolerating him. End of discussion.

My personality shines when something of "importance" is lost or if I'm running late. My anxiety builds up because of "procrastination". That's when I explode into panic mode! Although, I must say, I do work well under pressure. But if I lose something, because of my absent mindedness, I freak out and I find someone to blame! That's, basically, what happened this weekend when I lost my purse. I can't blame it totally on my disorder. Walking from one place to another like a crazy person, because my kids needed something that was, without a doubt, left in the other building, I believe, had something to do with it. Thank God I found it! I would have had the sumptuous, affluent, languishing retirement community under lock down! Because my purse didn't just simply walk away for God sake! In my mind, we most certainly were burglarized! And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with growing up in New Orleans!

Overall, the vacation turned out to be a learning experience. Thanks to the children. My 2-year-old and my cousin's 6-year-old beautiful daughter had a great time playing together. I was happy to see that our abnormal behavior did not seem to affect them at all. In fact, we all can learn something from our children. As I observed the two of them playing, I noticed how happy and carefree they were with each other. It was like nothing else existed nor mattered to them, but each others company. NO HOUSE. NO FURNITURE. NO BREAKABLES. NO SCHEDULE. NO TIME. NO DISORDERS. NO MIRRORS. NO PRIDE. NO EGO. NO MONEY. only each others presence seems to matter. My child learned so much from watching his cousin this weekend. And I was thankful that their focus was on each other and not on our compulsive personality disorders we all seem to develop as adults and strangely not as children.

Destin, Florida, here I come, with the baggage!

3 days and counting! The boys and I are taking a trip to visit my cousin in Destin and I can hardly wait! She moved there about a year ago and I've been meaning to make a trip with the babies to visit her and her 5 year old daughter. But the boys would always get sick and it was a never ending battle of different types of viruses, since then. We are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! "Praise the Lord, pass the Taters!" No, I'm not a holy roller or a hill billy for that matter. I'm just freakin' thrilled! I haven't brought them back to Mother's Day Out since they've gotten better. That infested place will have to be quarantined before I send them back there again! I made a phone call to them to discuss my issues , but was distracted by my 9 month old, who picked up a bad habit called screaming. His new nickname is 'Drama. 'Drama' was on my hip and in my ear the whole time while I tried to express my concerns. So, I'm not threw with them just yet! I'll have to attempt another phone call while the babies are sleeping.

As of right now I'm suffering from 'travel anxiety', which means, my brain is working like a speed train, thinking of what needs to be done before we leave, and my body is trying to catch up! So my brain is, pretty much, already in Destin drinking a corona with a lime, laying out by the beach, and my body is saying, "Damn, Shit for brains!" To sum it up in one word...PROCRASTINATION!

Procrastination basically runs in my family and it didn't seem to be a problem, till I had kids. So, naturally, I have a "mountain" of things to do before we leave.

• wash clothes
• go grocery shopping
• groom and bathe the dogs
• pack suitcases for all 3 of us
• buy Anthony swimming trunks
• find swimmies for both Anthony and Nicholas
• make an apt.at the vet for the dogs ( over due! )
• make an apt. to board my 3 dogs and set up who will bird sit

So, there it is, a pile of shit to do and very little time to do it!

"Behind bars"

I hope that this is the only type of bars I'll ever witness my son behind! So help me God!

I hate it when I forget my camera!

This weekend was the festival International de louisiane and we had a great time! The weather was perfect! It was a postcard picture every direction you looked toward. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my camera and I wasn't able to take any pictures. So I will try and describe it as best as I can.

The temperature was in the 80's with a nice subtle breeze. The skies were a perfect shade of blue, not a cloud in sight. You couldn't ask for a better day than this one. It was the type of day that if you were in an awful mood about something, you would snap out of it by stepping outside and taking a deep breath. One of my best friends from New Orleans came up to spend some time with us that weekend. It has been a while since we've seen each other and I was happy that she had planned to come visit and join us at the festival.

The husband and I decided that Saturday would be a good day to bring the babies and that two in the afternoon would be a perfect time to go since the babies would have had their lunch and afternoon nap.That morning we enjoyed breakfast and mimosa on our back patio, we packed the babies bags and the car, which took practically all afternoon long, especially since I'm the kind of mother that must have all the necessary equipment, plus the bathroom sink, in order for me to be at ease.

Earlier that week, I decided I would go shopping and buy me several sundresses that I would wear for the summer. I've been losing so much weight, I suspect from breastfeeding, that shorts make me look like I have chicken legs. Let's just say that "Olive Oil" would look great in a pair of daisy dukes standing next to me.

My friend from New Orleans is a beautiful, voluptuous girl and has great taste in wardrobe, in my opinion. And I knew that she would probably wear something that would make me, basically, want to throw up. As I suspected, she had put on the most beautiful sun dress I've ever seen for the festival! It was enough to want to slap my own Mama! I'm sure it made her feel like a million bucks, and me, a negative ten. Put it to you this way, there was a little demon on my shoulder telling me some crazy idea, that my husband would basically forget he had a wife and two babies and the first chance he got...I won't go any further! Needless to say, I had a meltdown in my closet and by the time I was done trying everything on, I was standing on a mountain of clothes that I decided I would generously give to the poor. Thank God I was able to bring myself out of the dark dreadful depression! My friend had given me something to wear that made me feel slightly better than I did prior to slapping my Mama. She such a good friend! Previously that week, I had called her in distress about the situation I was having and how I was developing a complex about my weight. So she brought me some clothes that didn't fit her, that still had tags on them, and miraculously, fit me perfectly! (Thanks, friend!)

Now, back to the gorgeous day we were having! So when we got to the festival, to my surprise, we were able to find a parking spot right away, which was great because babies at this age have no patience to be driving around looking for parking and neither do I. We began to stroll our babies down to the festival. The breeze felt so nice! I remember thinking to myself how silly it was for me to think of such off-the-wall-shit! I mean, look at what a beautiful day it is! And that breeze, mind the fact that it was blowing my friends dress up from under her every few seconds and showing her fabulous ass! I mean, COME ON! I wish I had my camera with me! I could have taken a great photograph of her standing on a drain! Needless to say, I didn't have a problem with it at all, nor did my husband or any other guy for that matter!

Overall, we had a great time at the festival. We camped out under an oak tree next to some wonderful people that now I consider friends. I just hope we run into each other at another festival so that we can get their number (Thanks for the Jello shots!). I was happy that my best friend could join us too. She is a great friend to have. She has a great sense of humor and that's why I feel that when, or if, she reads this, she'll take it lightly and realize that I really do think the world of her and care for her as though we were sisters. We practically grew up together and I love her to death! I love her sense of style and her charisma. We are there for each other in situations such as this one, that's what friends are for, and fuck it if she can't take a joke! I really wish I had brought my camera with me that day so that we would have taken pictures together! I would have most definitely bragged about them on facebook!

The Jackie O's have done it again!

When we get together with our friends once in a "Blue Coyote Moon", the following morning we usually say to ourselves..."Oops! We've done it again!" But really without the Oops! We have SO MUCH FUN! Honestly, I think that it's by NO MEANS a mistake! The alcohol may have contributed just a little, but, basically, we're just happy people enjoying ourselves the best way we know how. And when you add BEST friends into the mix, we get CRAZY, SEXY AND BUCK WILD!

The picture below, we are enjoying a shot of "blowjobs" at Pat O' Brien's in New Orleans and we couldn't resist the classic French Quarter drunk pose scene, by hanging on the light post.

I would like to thank my folks for babysitting the kids on Friday and our husbands for being tolerant of our indecent unpropitious behavior. I'm sure they really didn't mind it at all, being that their thoughts were focused on getting home that night and getting lucky!

We had an awesome time at the 2009 French Quarter Festival! Now it's time for Festival International de Louisiane in downtown Lafayette! This festival is great for families! All of the stages are set up in close proximity from each other and there is plenty of shade, good food, fun people and awesome bands from all around the world! The best part is that it's free!

Band practice

Here are my boys practicing for their future band!

Based on the assumption that I will wake up one morning and find a written letter informing me that everything will be OK. And that they're taking a road trip with a few of their buddies to follow their so called dreams and start a band.

I just hope that the lyrics will be sensible, understandable and Simon would have given their vocals a well respected thumbs up. They most certainly will have completed high school, and hopefully given college a chance. They will have also reassured me that this is their calling and there is nothing else they would rather be doing right now but to play music.

Then, I will say to them: "If this is what you truly love and enjoy doing, then go!" "Go and make us proud!" "And if you get rich, don't forget who fed, bathed and wiped your asses on a daily basis, had to put up with your tantrums, and cared for you when you both were sick." "We have spent our entire savings for the two of you to go to college, so that you may respectfully join a fraternity to basically party, meet girls and drop out!" "So make sure to share a little of your wealth with us!" "We can use an extended long-awaited vacation somewhere far far away!" "We will greatly appreciate it!"

There's no place like home

My folks came down to visit for the Easter holidays and we had a really nice time. We were able to enjoy ourselves without the stress that comes along with going ANYWHERE with a toddler. These past few months, we've come to realize that home is the best place to spend our weekends, being that we have a 2 year old at the present time. I’m sure everyone who has a toddler will agree with me on this one. Lately, it's been difficult to visit friends, go to a restaurant, or go to any festivals without having to chase down our toddler and constantly correct him not to touch the 'breakables' (everything basically) and to stay put.

So, coincidentally, we hang out with whomever is willing to and wherever it’s tolerated. This weekend we celebrated with the grandparents, three dogs, a nice bottle of wine on Friday, a refreshing pitcher of Sangria on Saturday and bubbly mimosas on Sunday. We played music and hung out on our back patio all day long. Our featured chefs were the incredible husband, who cooked awesome paella for a Saturday dinner special, and the one and only Mom, who cooked kickass huevos rancheros for Sunday brunch. We danced, sang, and drank all weekend long without having to run around after our toddler like a distressed nut case.

We are looking forward to this weekends French Quarter festival. But I can tell you this, I will have my entourage with me (volunteers are welcomed) to help keep an eye on my toddler and to help me feel remotely at ease about having a good time.

Holy Chocolate!

Being that it's close to Easter and all, my 2 year old is becoming overly anxious about finding Easter eggs and chocolate treats all around our backyard. Try to explain to a toddler that Easter is not today, and you'll basically have a pretty pissed off little kid on your hands. And I'm not about to argue with him, it would be considered irrelevant.

I've been trying to schedule in a time each day to basically pick up dog mess from my backyard. Nevertheless, I haven't managed to do so. So of course there is more than enough shit out there to fill up a dump truck. I won't argue with my husband on that bit of information he shares with me every weekend.

Well, just a couple of days ago my little boy decides it's Easter Day on his clock, and he's going to find himself some Easter treats, is what I assumed. To my surprise it wasn't Easter candy that was on his mind. It was doggy doo doo! He wanted to help his Mommy pick up dog shit just in time for Easter Sunday! Or, he was mistaken and thought that the damn shit was Hershey's chocolate eggs! Totally understandable! Take a look for yourself!

Boob issues!

OK! I'm having some issues here with my boobs! I'm breastfeeding my nine-month-old, and one of my boobs keep filling up more than the other. So, obviously, I'm feeling a bit lopsided these days. What sucks is that all of my bras are fitting my right boob perfectly and my left boob is left alone to fend for itself. What's a mother to do? I figured, I should stop breastfeeding. That way my right boob will shrink back to size (reality check), and my left boob won't feel so discriminated by the fact that it's left without any support. That's the only solution I can think of at this moment. If I think of anything better, I'll have to patten the idea and make millions.

Colore me science

I have finally found what I've been searching for! Something that will make my Grey skies Blue again! Or should I say, something that will make Death seem so Alive! The product is called Colorescience Eye Candy Trio Kit. No, this is not a paid advertisement. This is my honest to God opinion. It's the best makeup product I've owned since Wet N' Wild.

Eye Candy Trio Kit is a system that will open and refresh the eye area. OPEN AND REFRESH! Just what I need for these dark and sunken eyes of mine. Who needs sleep if there's a product like this on the market. It can also be used as an eye mask by combining them together and applying it before bedtime.Your husband or lover will think you look fabulous day or night! No surprises here, "what you see is what you get" is what they'll think.

Colorescience has many great products. I absolutely love their Pep Up Gel! I see a huge difference the second I apply it on! Apply Colorescience Wild To Mild SunReliable Primer, Skin Bronzer, SPF 20 and no one will ever suspect you're a vampire. It will give you a nice subtle tan you've been wanting without the damaging rays! Who wants premature wrinkles anyway?

Dermatologist reviews on Colorescience

Gearing-up

We are gearing-up for the ride of our lives. My big sister (bestfriend) are close in age and I have to admit, while growing up we gave our parents a run for their money! I truly believe what goes around comes around and when I became pregnant with my first child, I said to myself, "Phew!" "That was a close call!" I was so relieved that it was a boy. I WAS SPARED! I thought. We would not be tormented by hormonal, overly-sensitive behavior, In other words... LITTLE BITCHES! Face it, girls, we are. And whoever thinks otherwise is basically a bitch in denial. There's nothing wrong with it! Embrace it and use with caution! So, I thought raising two boys close in age would be a breeze compared to raising two girls. Until NOW!

This past weekend was spent with the grandparents, delighting in the spring air at the Algiers River Festival. It was a really nice time. We enjoyed the bands, the food, the people, and the arts and crafts. To my surprise they were serving vegan friendly burgers at one of the food stands. Being the "Skinny Bitch" that I am, I was extremely thrilled about this!

My boys really enjoyed themselves, even my 8-month-old who is overly-anxious to go wherever his big brother goes. I think he'll start walking at 9 months. My grandmother, bless her soul, would be very proud. She constantly bragged about my Dad being able to walk at this age.

The festival took place by the Mississippi river on the opposite side of the levee. It was really nice being able to watch the river boats go by. My 2-year-old got a kick out of it! But what caught his attention and made him nearly figure out how to escape out of the 5 point harness buckle from his stroller, was watching his Dad sliding down the levee on a piece of cardboard! Being that I'm also a kid at heart, I too thought this was going to be way-more-fun than sitting around watching boats go by.

When I first met my husband, I knew that we were meant to be, that we were a match made in heaven. He has such a competitive drive, you can actually see it pulsating through his veins! Growing up I too was a competitive, free spirited individual. I'd try almost anything that would challenge my inner Janet Guthrie. What sucks is that I have scars on both knees to prove it. Who said I was good at everything?

As for my 2-year-old, I think he's inherited the same competitive, free spirited gene. Which one of us he got it from? Only God knows the answer to that question. I'm now preparing myself for what is yet to come. I may not have precocious, inconsiderate little brats to deal with, but what I do have are undaunted, little stunt devils who will have their momma on the edge of her seat, biting her nails till they bleed, and praying each day that they both make it home in one piece.